Johnny Jet

Our flight to L.A. from New York was as easy as could be. We knew some of the gate agents and they bumped us, which is always nice. You gotta love having a seven course meal at 35,000 feet (or sea level, for that matter).

Speaking of food: We tried a unique new place this week, and you all need to know about it. It is ideal for aviation lovers.   It's right next to LAX, which makes for a fine place to go on a long layover. It's called the Proud Bird and was founded 40 years ago by David Tallichet, an ex-WWII pilot. You feel more like you are eating in a museum than a restaurant. In fact, it's the eighth largest private aviation museum in the world (don't ask me how they measure things like that).

The parking lot and back yard are filled with old planes. Yes, planes -- everything from biplanes to fighter jets. The plane in the picture with me is a copy of the Bell X-1 -- the first plane to go supersonic (with Chuck Yeager) to break the sound barrier.   It's amazing. This plane is a P-38 Lightning which is a tribute to Richard Bong, the WWII ace pilot.   The picture on the plane is Marge Bong, his widow.   Pretty cool to have her picture on the plane. Everyone is encouraged to walk around the yard. Inside, the restaurant walls are filled with old pictures of everything from dignitaries who landed at LAX to the movies that were filmed there.

Not only do you get to see the planes of the past, but the present as well. Every two minutes a plane is landing over your head! It fascinates me to see planes from all over the world. Literally, in the hour we were there, I saw planes landing from every continent except Antarctica.

I guess I should mention the food. Heck, even if it was terrible I would still come back. But don't worry: the food is GOOD. Amber had a tasty surf 'n' turf (steak and shrimp), while I had the steak salad (I'm trying to lose my spare tire for summer).

If that wasn't enough, while we were there they were hosting an anniversary for the Tuskegee Fighters. I found this on the Internet: "The valiant Tuskegee Fighters 332nd Fighter Group served in North Africa and Europe, where they destroyed more than 400 enemy aircraft. The 332nd was 450 black airmen who trained in a segregated military in the early 1940's and overcame a strong racial prejudice to earn respect as they were recognized as courageous and skillful flyers while winning 900+ awards and metals."

Next time you land at LAX on runway two-five (the far left one), look out the left window just before touching down. You will see The Proud Bird almost directly below you: The Proud Bird, 11022 Aviation Boulevard (northeast corner of 111th) Tel. (310) 670-3093.

Back to paradise for the last time (well, hopefully NOT the last time, but you know what I mean). As I hinted last week, Amber Airplane talked me into getting a couple's massage.   A couple's massage? That's what I said too. I wasn't real keen but we were in French Polynesia, it was almost Amber's birthday and it wasn't that expensive. So what the heck!   I didn't know what to expect because I had never had a couple's massage. I thought to myself, Is there only one masseuse? Where would we lie? On the same table? ...

We strolled into the spa hut for the appointment, and sat around chatting with the French manager. She was very nice and I was thinking, Will she be giving us the massage? She must've read my mind because a second later, after a double clap, out from the room next door came two pretty, laid-back Polynesian women. I looked at the manager and said, "Dang, that's better then the clapper!"

The ladies held our umbrellas as they escorted us through the light drizzle to the massage room. The room and surrounding were very quiet and chic. They shut the door and told us to strip down. I said "Hello!" Then Amber gave me a look only a perturbed girlfriend can, and I said, "Of course! I'm only joking." I jumped under the sarong as they requested, and kicked my feet with excitement. There I was, face down staring at a beautiful pink hibiscus flower directly below my head rest. All I could do was smile and think, This is going to be great.

Then the ladies came in and asked, "You ordered the coconut and ginger massage?" I wondered, "Is she talking to me?" When I realized she was I said "No thank you, I just ate."   They giggled, then Amber Airplane rolled over and said, "It was either coconut or avocado, and I know you don't like avocado!" Good job, Amber Airplane, but I don't want ANYTHING on my body. Then I felt the cold sprinkles of this concoction of fruit and oils oozing down from my neck to my toes. I felt like I was the dessert, and they were topping the garnish.   They rubbed and rubbed. It was sticky, but it felt and smelled so good. I was thinking "Dang, I can get used to this!"

My lady had the ultimate masseuse voices. I'm sure Amber's did too because I didn't hear her say a word. The lady had the softest and most gentle voice I have ever heard. She whispered in my ear when we were halfway done, "Sir, please get up and take a hot shower." I was thinking about a cold shower! (Just kidding.) Check this out: The showers were outside in the rain -- how sweet is that? After the hot shower I ran back in for the second half of my rubdown. I dove on that table like it was a pool in the middle of the desert.

I still can hear her soft voice: "Sir, did you like? Sir, was the pressure good?" I thought being in French Polynesia was like visiting another planet, but after this massage it felt like I was in another galaxy.

Unfortunately, the clock ticked faster than warp speed. It was time to say good-bye to paradise and catch the ferry to Raitea, so we could fly to Papeete and then back to L.A.   When we checked into our flight from Papeete to LAX, the whole crew from MTV's Road Rules were behind us. I was thinking this could be a long redeye, with all those crazy dudes on the plane. I tried to work my magic for an upgrade, but the gate agent looked at me like I was insane. He said, "You can buy an upgrade for $600." I handed him my business card and said "That's not a bad deal, but my name is Johnny Jet, not Johnny Rockefeller." He didn't laugh (neither did Amber Airplane). Hey, I thought it was pretty darn funny.

I was sitting at the gate waiting for you know who to get out of the gift shop when I heard: "Johnny Jet, please come to the counter." I thought, Oh gosh, Amber must've got hurt pulling stuff off the shelves in the store. I went up to the gate, and the same guy who checked us in said, "Your tickets please." I handed them to him, and he gave me new ones. Our seat assignments had gone from row 41 to 3! Yes, THREE! That meant business class! It almost felt like winning the lottery. I said, "Holy cow, thank YOU, thank YOU!"   He said, "I just want you to know, we don't upgrade anyone for free. You are probably the first and the last." I asked why he did it. He said, "I just looked up your website and I think it's the coolest."   Now that's cool.

We were so excited that we were the first to board the plane. We sat down, had a cool drink, ate an awesome meal (s) and then watched movies on our 15 inch screen. Yes, the TV was huge. The flight was 7 1/2 hours, but it was way too short. Business class felt better than first on most airlines. It was so comfortable we did not want to get off. In fact, when we landed I asked Amber, "Do you think we can go on to Paris with them?" She said, "How about we go back to Papeete instead?" Even better.

What a trip!

Top 10 Websites to check out for a trip to French Polynesia:
1. Best travel agent to have plan your French Polynesian dream trip is FlyTahiti.com.
2. Airline to fly there Air Tahiti Nui
3. Inter Island Flights
4. Hotel: Pearl Resorts
5. For More Pictures
6. Forecast for Tahiti/Papeete, French Polynesia
Best Guides Books:
7. Frommers
8. Lonely Planet
9. Tahiti Tourisme
10. Tahiti Guide

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