Johnny Jet

Wow! What a crazy week of traveling. It was so crazy I can only tell you half; otherwise you would get exhausted just reading it.

Amber Airplane and I left sunny Southern California last Wednesday and headed out on a whirlwind tour of the U.S. In the last three days we have been to two weddings and eight airports (sounds like a movie title). Crazy, crazy, crazy!

We started in L.A., where we hung out by the beach. You might be interested in knowing about a new restaurant we tried. L.A. Food Show is in Manhattan Beach, and owned by CPK (California Pizza Kitchen). Soon they’ll be opening more. The food and service were both good. I'm not too sure if I like the red décor, but what do I know? Well, I do know I had the rotisserie Thai chicken (served with a side of peanut sauce). It was about $13.95, and just okay. Amber had the steak salad ($9.95), and said it was really good. The corn bread ($2.95) and appetizer, Southwestern egg rolls ($7.95), were mighty tasty. But they were a little steep in price for such small portions.

Around noon on Wednesday we headed to LAX. The airport was packed! Check-in lines were at least 30 minutes long, but we ran into a friend who took care of us. The security line was also long (15 minutes). I used to be a big fan of the TSA, but their inconsistency is killing me. I understand the long lines are due to cutbacks out of their control, but why does every airport have different rules? Some check ID's at security checkpoints and at the gate, and others don't. It makes me feel like I’m traveling in a foreign country. I have no idea what's going on.

To make matters worse, the security agent asked me if Amber was 18. He said it like I was her father! When I said yes, he told us we each had to hold our own boarding passes. Then yesterday, a TSA agent told me I had to take off my sneakers, while their head office just released a statement saying it was the passenger’s decision to take them off or not. What's up, TSA? Get with the program!

Here's a United Airlines observation. This past week they started cracking down on bags that weight over 50 pounds. They made Amber take things (clothes) out of her bag twice this week. We had to do a mad stuff into my suitcase to avoid being charged $25. We hear other airlines are cracking down on this too.

Amber and I flew to JFK (New York City). Our flight was easy as can be. We took off on time, our bags appeared right away, and our Tel Aviv car service (212-777-7777) was there in two minutes. (Of course, I called them while walking off the plane and said I had all my bags.) Cost: $35 + tip and toll ($4).

We landed at 9 p.m., and arrived at the apartment around 9:45. We unpacked, then took a stroll for some late-night pizza. We tried a new brick-oven place, Piazza. We had a slice of the pasta pizza. That's right: baked ziti on a slice of cheese. Sounds nasty, but it was damn gooood! Cost: $3.20. Piazza Pizza: 1657 Second Avenue at 86th Street, tel.: 212-879-5100. They close at 3 a.m. during the week, 5 a.m. on weekends. You gotta love New York just for late night pizza!

We were in NYC for my cousin AJ's big wedding. I can't tell you about it until next week, because I have to wait for the magazines to publish their stories. Some editors said Johnny Jet.com has been all over the Soprano fan sites because of the bachelor party pics, and they don't want to lose sales. Who knows, but I’ll honor their request. I will tell you, the wedding was like a dream. But guess who caught the bouquet? Big trouble ahead!

The next morning Amber and I went downtown to meet my sister Carol, so they could get their nails and brows done. I guess they couldn't get into Eliza or whoever that high-priced beautician is, but I wasn't going to let Amber pay $60 again for an eyebrow wax (and who knows how much for a manicure). I’d pluck them myself. Instead they went to Lily Nails on 15 East 21st Street (on Broadway), tel.: 212-254-4118. They said it was good. I thought it was good too, because it cost only $12 for waxing, $15 for a manicure and $18 for a pedicure.

If you go down there you might as well and stop by Fishs Eddy. It's a block away, and they sell all kinds of dishes and utensils. It used to be a lot cheaper, but you can sometimes find old plates and utensils from the airlines. Fishseddy, 889 Broadway and 19th Street, tel.: 212-420-9020.

A good place for lunch down there is Republic. It's quick, inexpensive and fun. Check out their menu online. The website is cool: You choose the item, and it shows a picture of it. Republic, 37 Union Square West (14th Street), tel.: 212-627-7172.

AJ and Jamie's wedding was on Friday night. We didn't get to sleep till 3 a.m. -- and had to wake up at 4:30 to catch our 6 a.m. flight to Denver. If Amber didn't wake me I would probably still be asleep, I was so exhausted. I had so much pressure to give a good speech in front of 320 guests, including my family, celebrities and four TV cameras. Somehow I pulled it off, and there we were in LGA (LaGuardia) when the sun came up. We were in Denver by 8 a.m. We connected to a United Express flight. Thirty-five bumpy minutes later we were over the Rockies to Aspen, where we were to attend another wedding that afternoon. Amber got really queasy from the flight (I didn't).

We landed in Aspen at 10 a.m. and took a taxi to the SnowFlake Inn. High Mountain Taxi (970-925-8294) charged us $18, plus 70 cents per bag and 70 cents per extra passenger. Going back to ASE (Aspen airport code) we used Snow Limo (877-859-5466), which charged an $18 flat rate. We could've taken the free valley bus, which stops every half-hour, but with a lot of luggage it wasn't worth it. Well, at least not to Amber Airplane.

Our Inn was nice, plus cheap. I got it for $85 a night on JohnnyJet.com. The place is centrally located and has great a view, but that’s true everywhere in Aspen. SnowFlake Inn, 221 East Hyman Ave., tel.: 800-247-2069.

It was our first time in Aspen, and I was amazed by its beauty. Holy cow, is this place scenic! It was so nice we skipped our much-needed nap to check out the town. Amber Airplane is going to love this picture I snuck in. (Shhh -- don't tell her!) What a name, huh? I had to drag Amber Airplane out of every shop and booth at the farmers market so we could go get some food. We ended up at the Bakery on Main, which is a great place for breakfast. One warning: If you’re hungry, don't order the pancakes – they’re child-sized. Main St Bakery & Café, 201 East Main Street, tel.: 970-925-6446.

We finally napped, then took the shuttle to our second amazing wedding in as many days. It was held at the Elk Mountain Lodge, a high-altitude retreat for private events 20 minutes from downtown Aspen. The place has unreal views, and is perfect for an outdoor wedding. This time it was my good buddy Nick who walked down the aisle.

The ceremony was beautiful, and so was the bride. It was 90 degrees out, which is pretty hot, but when the sun went down so did the temp. It dropped almost 50 degrees – how crazy is that! Needless to say we spent a lot of time inside, either cooling down or warming up. The lodge (actually a 5-star log cabin) was so cozy and decadent. Check out the Elk horn chandelier. For dinner they served trout, poussin and -- you guessed it -- elk.

Turns out the bride’s father is the lead singer in the popular Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. He is really cool, and played at both the ceremony and reception. The highlight came when he played their Top 10 hit Dance little Jean which was written for her! Elk Mountain Lodge.

We hit the wall around 10:30, and took the shuttle back to town. We were so tired we couldn't even speak. When we finally woke up Sunday morning, we went into town. It wasn't too comforting when I noticed these trash cans. They are all bear-proof! Amber Airplane wanted to rent this bike but I said I wasn’t going to cruise around in that thing. Besides, the elevation is 7,908 feet and I was starting to get asthma. (Here are two tips on getting acclimated to the altitude: Drink lots of water, and eat small meals every two to three hours. I learned that from channel 16, the visitor info channel.)

Of course, we didn't take that advice. Instead we had huge portions at one of the best breakfast places ever: PoppyCocks. I had very tasty whole wheat blueberry oatmeal pancakes, while Amber Airplane ordered a ham and cheese crepe. So good! PoppyCocks, 665 E. Cooper Avenue, tel.: (970) 925-1245. After breakfast we were going to go up in the Gondola ($17 apiece), but looked at our watches and realized it was time to go.

Amber Airplane kept saying she wasn't looking forward to the flight back to Denver. Well, she didn't have to deal with it. Because of the heat the airlines had big-time weight restrictions, and were bumping close to 20 people (out of 88 passengers) off the planes. We (that is, Amber Airplane) volunteered us, and instead of waiting for the airline to get us ground transportation, I rented an $86 Avis rental car. In the summer time there seems to be no inexpensive way to get from Aspen to Denver. The cheapest I found was a $90- something shuttle (each). Forget that!

The drive turned out to be one of the most scenic (and scariest) rides I have ever been on. It was crazy! We drove over the mountains (14,433 feet) on single-lane, two-way traffic roads without guardrails. We were so high, there was still snow on the ground. We saw plenty of Aspen trees, and other incredible landscape. Route 82 to 24 to 70, a 180-mile drive, took over four hours. If we hadn’t hit traffic it would have been quicker. But I wasn't rushing (especially around those hairpin turns).

What was cool about Avis is that they equipped the car with satellite radio. This was my first experience with it, and I hope not my last. Crystal-clear commercial-free music of every type imaginable: from the ‘40s, ‘50s, ‘60s, ‘70s, ‘80s, ‘90s, MTV, VH1, L.A.'s KIIS-FM, country, folk, you name it. It was fantastic, especially since we were in the middle of nowhere.

We ran into some nasty traffic after we stopped in Leadville for a falsely advertised hamburger at Wild Bill's. The billboard said “99-cent hamburgers 6 miles away.” When we arrived the line was out the door (I’m sure everyone else had seen the same billboard), but the cheapest burger was $4. What's up with that, Wild Bill?!

We made the last flight to LAX. We were home for all of 15 hours (just enough time to do laundry, bills and errands). Now we are in Alaska. But that's a whole other story, which will have to wait till next week. However, if you are in the Last Frontier, come on by and say hi at my book signings: Wednesday, July 16, 7:30 p.m. at Title Wave Books on Northern Lights Boulevard, and Friday, July 18 at Cook Inlet Books on 5th Avenue (7-9 p.m.).

OTHER HELPFUL ASPEN INFO

Airport Accommodations 800-500-5556
Aspen Chamber Resort Association
Aspen Pitkin.com
United has every flight into Aspen (From Denver) except one and that's operated by America West (From Phoenix)
Aspen Population: 5,914
Aspen, Colorado sits on the eastern part of White River National Forest in the midst of the beautiful Elk Mountains, which are a very small part of the Rocky Mountain Range.
Frommers Aspen Guide
Lonely Planet Aspen Guide

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USA TODAY (Free Registration)
Casino may save 'honeymoon capital' Future earnings show signs of recovery Continental's talks put 757 in jeopardy U.S. lifts all Iraq travel restrictions TSA contractor spending under scrutiny Governments tack taxes onto travelers British Museum celebrates 250 years Group to preserve historic Pa. steel mill Arts community unites in tourism push Thai museum tells WWII POWs story A walk through Thoreau's mind Governments tack taxes onto travelers Cell phone calls on jets may be OK'd United mechanics oust IAM 2002 was safest year ever for airlines Amtrak back on the financial brink Air Canada OK'ed for Cuba flights 2002 was safest year ever for airlines Amtrak back on the financial brink Charter seeks BWI-Baghdad flight Air Canada OK'ed for Cuba flights Ailing Continental delays Boeing order Airbus struggles in Japanese market Women too old to fly in India? Virgin Blue goes international Foreign regulation muddles FAA's job TSA asks travelers to remove shoes Screener charged with theft from bag Air Canada mulls Boeing 717 purchase World's second-oldest airline ails $9B L.A. airport overhaul focuses on security United offers international biz travel deal US Airways drops Bombardier order Delta pilots file grievance over furloughs Concorde held in crash investigation British Museum celebrates 250 years Group to preserve historic Pa. steel mill Arts community unites in tourism push Thai museum tells WWII POWs story A walk through Thoreau's mind 10 great places to slow down in a small town New York City's ship has come in: Cruises to the Caribbean Italy's Maremma wine region pours it on Making the most of a weak dollar Some hotel nightstands looking beyond the Bible $9B LAX overhaul focuses on security United offers international travel deal US Airways drops Bombardier order Delta pilots protest furloughs Judge bars Mainline sales in Hawaii Myrtle Beach might get new theme park Game systems linked to jet 'difficulties' Delta hopes ritzy food entices travelers Two carriers relax cell phone rules U.S. to require disabled complaint data Lufthansa applies for Baghdad flights Cathay Pacific sees upturn in June